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This is post three in the discussion of our Uninvited Book Club. Click HERE to see the previous two posts. We are reading through the book “Uninvited – Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out and Lonely” by Lysa TerKeurst.

I went LIVE in our Facebook group to discuss these chapters. Here’s the video discussion of Chapters 9-12:



Chapter 9: Why Does Rejection Hurt So Much?

Rejection hurts… there’s no way to sugar coat that! Our reaction to rejection is not always what we hope. It’s easy to attribute the rejection to something trivial and shallow… blame it on everyone and everything else. It’s incredibly hard to see the truth in moments of rejection and to know that God is in control and he didn’t do anything about it. Lysa talks about how this makes us question God’s goodness.

Often certain rejections hit us hard because they hit us in a vulnerable spot where we have an identity problem. We already have wounds there and this is where we have to be able to recognize that this is happening! This is where the SHIFT has to happen… Lysa tells us this is where we can’t “internalize a lie” about our identity and miss what God is doing “despite His seeming silence”.

“To be set aside is to be rejected. To be set apart is to be given an assignment that requires preparation.”

Satan wants us to feel set aside and rejected… Jesus wants us to feel set apart and accepted! Satan wants us to be distracted and miss what God has for us. This is a true lesson in humility!

“The tweaking of us by God in the quiet is the saving of us in public.”

Proverbs 11:2 – When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

“Don’t let rejection steal one more thing from you!”

3 Gifts of Rejection:

1.) The gift of being made less – “When we discrease, God has room to make big things happen.”

2.) The gift of being lonely – “This will develop in you a deeper sense of compassion for your fellow travelers. When I ease the loneliness ache in others, it is beautifully eased in me.”

3.) The gift of silence – “God, what might You want to say to me right now? I’ve got to spend time getting quiet so I can be prepared to hear new things from the Lord.”

Have you seen any of these gifts come from rejection? What has God taught you in those moments?

Chapter 10: Her Success Does Not Threaten Mine

Comparison… it’s something we all do everyday! It’s also one of the most dangerous things we can do. It is truly a slippery slope. Lysa reminds us that when we compare we minimize God and maximize our weaknesses.

“If we allow our thoughts to stink, that smell will leak out of every bit of us-our words, our actions, and especially our reactions.”

It might sound like a silly thought, but what would you rather people say of your life? That your life stinks or that it has the sweet aroma of Jesus? Lysa says, “As Jesus girls, we can’t walk in victory while wallowing in thoughts of defeat and rejection.”

Social media is one of our biggest enemies in the comparison fight. We have to be able to reframe what we see in our news feed. Ask yourself these questions:

Can I celebrate with my friends in their successes and in their good times? Can I carry the burdens of my friends and care for them?

If you can’t do those things, then evaluate why? You might need to shift your perspective. We can’t live abundant lives if we are always comparing our lives to others…be who God created you to be!

“When she does well, we all do well. All tides rise when we see a sister making this world a better place with her gifts.”

My friends, here’s a powerful truth to put on repeat in your beautiful mind:

“There is an abundant need in this world for your exact brand of beautiful.

Chapter 11:  Ten Things You Must Remember When Rejected

Rather than discuss this chapter, I’m simply going to list the 10 things that Lysa reminds us we should remember: (because they are SO good!)

  1. One Rejection is not a Projection of Future Failures – “It has already stolen enough from your present. Don’t let it reach into your future.”
  2. Rejection Doesn’t Label You. It Enables You to Adjust and Move On – “It’s our choice to have either a realistic view or a pessimistic view of rejection.”
  3. This Could Be an Invitation to Live in Expectation of Something Else – “Today’s disappointment is making room for tomorrow’s appointment.”  
  4. There is Usually Some Element of Protection Wrapped in Every Rejection – “It’s easy for us to focus on the ruin. But look for His mercy in the midst of it.”
  5. It’s Good to Ask the “What” Questions but Less Helpful to Ask “Why” – “‘What’ questions increase our ability to become more self-aware, while ‘why’ questions only focus on things out of our control.” (she includes a GREAT list of “What” questions on page 136)
  6. Don’t Hash, Bash, or Trash on the Internet. Remember, the Internet Never Forgets. – “Don’t let today’s reaction become tomorrow’s regret.”
  7. There’s Much More to You than the Part That Was Rejected – “You are more than you know, my friend.”
  8. What One Person Sees As Your Liability, Another Might See as a Wonderful Asset – “I have to keep it all in perspective.”
  9. This is a Short-Term Setback, Not a Permanent Condition – “If we give it power to define us, it will haunt us long-term. But if we only allow it enough power to refine us, the hurt will give way to healing.”
  10. Don’t Let This Heartbreak Destroy You. Let This Breaking Actually Be the Making of You. Let God Use It in Good Ways to Make You Stronger and Take YOU Further.
“God isn’t afraid of your sharp edges that may seem quite risky to others. He doesn’t pull back. He pulls you close.”

Lysa has a beautiful printable with this 10 Things to Remember on it, just click HERE to get it as a free gift!

Chapter 12:  The Enemy’s Plan Against You

She opens this chapter with a story about lions in Africa and I could totally relate to fighting this battle of the mind. She says, ” I wrestled with that lion. And lost. Because I let him get the best of my thoughts.”

I could go on for days about how real this was in my life, but I’ll simplify it by saying, the devil wants your thoughts and he will stop at NOTHING to win! But the truth is that the battle of my mind has already been won by my Savior, I just have to live like it! & walk in victory!

“Lies flee in the presence of truth.” So I have to fill my mind with TRUTH!

“The Devil is vicious, but he’s not victorious. And you, my friend, have everything you need to defeat him.”

We want to fill this emptiness inside with things that “numb” us –  food, relationships, entertainment, social media, substances, clothes, houses, cars… this list goes on and on! As Lysa says, “Numb souls are never growing souls.” This just leads to a very distracted life and distracted is exactly what our enemy wants!

“Our minds and hearts are like dry sponges. What we focus on is what will soak in and saturate us.”
“Is my attention being held by something sacred or something secret? What is holding my attention the most is what I’m truly worshipping.”

Thoughts to Ponder from Chapters 9-12: 

(quotes below taken from the Uninvited study guide by Lysa TerKeurst)

  • “I’m not set aside; I’m set apart.”
  • When God says, “No or Wait” use that time to prepare for what God has for you in the future.
  • Any rejection can be redeemed by the promises of God. Nothing is wasted in God’s hands.
  • “We need to fight to keep trusting God, even when circumstances beg us to be suspicious of God.”
  • “Truth is the perfect tranquilizer. The enemy’s power is rendered powerless in the presence of God’s promises.”

What is God teaching you through this book? What spoke to you in Chapters 9-12? Share in the comments below!

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This website was birthed out of Christy's passion to see women become intentional in their lives. She is passionate about helping moms discover their purpose in their homes, churches, communities & world!