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This is post one in the discussion of our Uninvited Book Club. We are reading through the book “Uninvited – Living Loved When You Feel Less Than, Left Out and Lonely” by Lysa TerKeurst.
I went LIVE in our Facebook group to discuss these chapters. Here’s the video discussion of Chapters 1-4:
Uninvited opens with Chapter One entitled “I’d Rather Ignore Honesty”… well wouldn’t we all rather ignore it!
Lysa dives in deep in the first chapter by sharing how honesty invites the “real” version of us to “come out, come out , wherever you are…”
She challenges us to remember that honesty wants us to “bring the core” of who we believe we are and match that up with the truth. That concept sounds simple on the surface, but it’s actually incredibly hard because those things NEVER line up. Why?
Lysa would tell us it all boils down to REJECTION!
“One maliciously crafted rejection with my exact vulnerabilities in mind will pierce the deepest part of me.”
She points out that being strong in our faith doesn’t “shield” us from rejection, but it can help us process rejection in a better way, soften it and perhaps even help us HEAL from it!
“Honesty isn’t trying to hurt me. It’s trying to heal me.”
She warns us about a vicious cycle that happens with rejection…
“Rejection isn’t just an emotion we feel. It’s a message that’s sent to the core of who we are, causing us to believe lies about ourselves, others, and God.”
It all starts with a line that we hear, which turns into a label we place on ourselves that then becomes a lie that we buy into. This all leads us to “wondering if God secretly agrees” with that lie.
Wow that’s an incredibly dangerous slippery slope!
Chapter 2: Three Questions We Must Consider
So as we move into the next chapter, we are left wondering, what do we do with these feelings of rejection?
Lysa shares that rejection is typically rooted in two core fears:
1.) The fear of being abandoned
2.) The fear of losing one’s identity
“The mind feasts on what it focuses on. What consumes my thinking will be the making or the breaking of my identity.”
Often times, we find ourselves relying on our feelings…we want to FEEL better! But as Lysa says, “Feelings are fragile props.” What we really need is a completely new way to LIVE. We have to write a new script that is not tied to what we feel, but one that is tied to what we know to be TRUE!
So here’s the three questions Lysa puts before us to examine for ourselves:
- Is God good?
- Is God good to me?
- Do I trust God to be God?
If the answer to those questions is YES and we believe those things to be TRUE, then we have to begin to live by those truths and not the lies that the world tells us!
“No person’s rejection can ever exempt me from God’s love for me. Period. No question mark.”
Chapter 3: There’s a Lady at the Gym Who Hates Me
Lysa begins this chapter with a story about a girl at the gym & how she thought she hated her. Now the truth is the girl didn’t hate her, but she had assigned those thoughts to that girl at the gym! How often do we do that to others! As Lysa says, we “hold them accountable to harsh judgements they never make.” As a result, we then “own a rejection from them they never gave.”
We tend to put on rejection and wear it around…but do we really want to be at the mercy of other people or do we want to take ownership of our lives? We can only do this by returning to God daily to let Him remind us what is TRUE through His Word and through prayer!
Lysa reminds us that “Jesus doesn’t participate in the rat race. He’s into the slower rhythms of life, like abiding, delighting, and dwelling – all words that require us to trust Him with our place and pace.”
Chapter 4: Alone in a Crowded Room
In this chapter, Lysa dives deep into the idea of feeling lonely. She talks about feeling lonely even when surrounded by people, which I think is more common that we realize!
“Proximity and activity don’t always equal connectivity.”
She shares that she walks into situations feeling like she “wouldn’t be able to breathe unless someone else invited me in. The whole room was full of completely breathable air, but since I refused to take it in, I suffered.” She realized that she was expecting others to fill something in her that only God can fill.
As I began to process this, I realized how selfish it is for me to walk into a room expecting for others to make me feel worthy or accepted. Lysa says there is a “secret shift” that we have to make in these situations. Rather than walking in expecting anything for anyone, we have to walk in the confidence of the Lord and look for ways to bless others. I think if we truly embrace this, it will change everything!
Thoughts to Ponder from Chapters 1-4:
(quotes below taken from the Uninvited study guide by Lysa TerKeurst)
“We’re going to deal with our rejections, but we’re not going to dwell on them. We will dwell on the loving declarations of God’s love. Live from a deep assurance that you are fully loved, and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love. Live Loved!”
“Living Loved is sourced in the quiet daily surrender to the ONE who loves us. God waits every day with every answer we need, every comfort we crave, while we’re out looking for love everywhere else. God wants us to slow down enough to receive from Him. The more fully we invite God in, the less we feel uninvited by others!”
The “Live Loved” quest: To get to a place of stable emotions, stable love instead of a downward spiral in response to circumstances.
What is God teaching you through this book? What spoke to you in Chapters 1-4? Share in the comments below!
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