Seeing God’s redemption in marriage is one of the most beautiful things I have ever experienced!
Over the last couple of years, my husband and I have seen some close friends go through an incredibly HARD season in their marriage. The kind of hard that honestly would end most marriages. I’ll never forget the moment that my husband and I sat on our couch taking in the details of our friends’ difficult situation. I cried and we sat in silence for a long time! We were sad and shocked as we didn’t ever expect this to happen to this couple. Isn’t that the way it usually is?
It was a huge reminder that NO MARRIAGE is exempt, we are all sinners in need of an AMAZING amount of God’s grace. Not only were we sad for our friends, but it was sobering to think about how Satan can invade any marriage. It pushed us to evaluate our own marriage with fresh eyes.
As we talked about how to walk with this couple during this hard time, we found ourselves very conflicted. It would have been easy to side with one side or the other based on the circumstances, but we knew that’s not what God was calling us to do. We clearly felt that regardless of our personal emotions and feelings that we were called to be there for both of them in whatever way we could.
Over the months that followed, there were days we thought for sure their marriage was over and other days that we thought they might stay together. We prayed for reconciliation, but if I’m being honest, I’m not sure that we fully believed God could really restore their marriage. That’s hard to admit, but the reality is some days that is how we felt and I know they did too.
Through watching their journey, we got a front row seat to see God show up in a big way as they FOUGHT for their marriage. They fought emotionally with harsh words, hard consequences, physical separation, & intense counseling. But they didn’t stop there, they also fought spiritually with repentance, humility, and desperate prayers.
As hard as the battle was to watch from afar, I can’t even imagine how hard it was to live. It was an incredibly brave and beautiful battle!
Last week, I saw a message come through on my phone that caught my eye… I opened it and immediately began crying. It was a beautiful picture of this couple renewing their vows! I couldn’t hold back the tears… it was such an incredible reminder of what God can do through hard work, prayers and redemption!
Here’s a few things we learned by watching our friends go through this time:
All marriages need help sometimes, even the “good” ones.
Marriage is HARD, no matter what! Anyone who says it isn’t hard is either LYING or completely in denial 🙂 I think we have to be vulnerable enough to be honest about our marriages and our struggles. I can’t say it any better than Jennie Allen does HERE. We all need help, don’t be afraid to seek it out!
We have to own our part in the trials of our marriages and be slow to cast blame.
I think it’s easy to blame our spouse or circumstances for issues in our marriages. Don’t get me wrong, often times there is blame that could be placed there. But does it do any good to place that blame? Does placing blame cause real change & redemption? I would venture to say NO!
No matter what situation a marriage is in, both parties have to own the mistakes they have made along the way. Because we are all sinners, we all have a part to play in our marriages being imperfect. I know in my own marriage, many times I have to own my mistakes & be willing to evaluate my own heart and actions. The change often has to start with me, because ultimately I’m the only person I can change.
We watched our friends do this as well. As they worked toward reconciliation in their marriage, they both worked to make significant changes in themselves. I truly believe that greatly contributed to healing their relationship. The main goal was not to change the other person, it was to change themselves… this is humbling hard work, but it has a beautiful payoff!
Don’t underestimate the power of prayer.
Praying for your own marriage or interceding on behalf of your friends when they just can’t is powerful! I remember my friend saying things like… “I don’t know if I can do this anymore!” You might have even uttered those words yourself about your own marriage. I beg you not to underestimate what prayer can do.
God is in the business of restoration, but remember His restoration takes many different forms. It may seem as if He isn’t answering your prayers the way you hoped, but trust me He is listening! I love this post on great prayers for marriage by my friend Ron Edmondson. Start today by praying these over your marriage & the marriages of those you love!
God’s redemption is so much more beautiful than anything we can do on our own.
This is the “let go and let God” moment. We have to allow God’s redemption to do the work we can’t! In my own marriage, there are some things that no amount of hard work can “fix”, I have to release them to the Lord! He has proven faithful in my marriage over and over again as I release “my agenda” and allow Him to do his redemptive work!
As we watched our friends fight hard for their marriage, they put in a ton of hard work (and will continue to), but the work of the Lord in their redemption story is so much more beautiful than anything they could have done on their own! I know their faith in the Lord played a huge role in the restoration of their marriage and I can’t wait to see what God has planned for the rest of their journey!
Whether your marriage just needs a tune up or a full blown miracle, take at least one step today to invest in your marriage.
- Ask for help. Look around for a mentor couple or counselor who can walk alongside you to get things on the right track.
- Start fervently praying for your marriage, your spouse and yourself. Start with this guide for wives and this guide for husbands.
- Evaluate yourself with a spirit of humility & repentance. Ask the Lord to reveal to you where change is needed in your own life.
- Read a book to gain wisdom from others about how to deal with struggles in marriage. Check out this post.
- Have an honest heart to heart with your spouse about your relationship to get on the same page
- Be sure to establish boundaries & guardrails in your marriage to protect it. For more resources to help, click HERE.
Whatever step you take, do something intentional, your marriage is worth investing in!
Have you seen restoration in your marriage or the marriage of a friend? What did you learn through that process?
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Founder of The Praying Mom
This website was birthed out of Christy's passion to see women become intentional in their lives. She is passionate about helping moms discover their purpose in their homes, churches, communities & world! Follow more of her journey HERE